New Tabloids II

[CaerRialis]

As the previous Tabloids thread appears broken, I'll start a new one. I hope no one minds and that this gets pinned

[CaerRialis]

NPO To Begin Recruiting Women
Breeding Program Down on Its Luck, laments Sir Paul

The NPO today revealed plans to bring more of the feminine persuasion into its fold. “Let’s face it,” Sir Paul said to waiting reporters outside of the NPO Genetic Research Laboratory, “Chicks just don’t go for us sinister NPO types. They don’t play computer games, they tend to wash regularly, and, well, that incident with the toilet seat was blown way out of proportion.”

When asked, Kingman Reef, one of the three Pacific hotties, added, “It’s no wonder why there aren’t more of us. I mean, most men who go online are tubby, sweaty, wearing a grubby anime or star trek t shirt and/or hopelessly addicted Porn fiends? I mean, sure I come on looking for that hottie who isn’t aware of how hot he is, but, except for the hunky Military Force in the South Pacific, they are few and far between.”

“This lack of women is causing us a real strategic problem,” Sir Paul lamented. “The NPO has three chicks in its membership, Tar A, Erratika, and Kingman Reef. Now, compare us with the South Pacific, which has so many bodacious babes. I mean, shoot, they’ll outbreed us in time and, well, I have to confess, I am not liking the way Chosen Men is eyeing me.”

When asked of this breeding program, Black Adder, the new Minister of Culture for the NPO, had only this to say. “I hope to God this don’t mean we gotta paint the rooms in pastels or set out that smelly potpourri. I mean, we’re the NPO! We are the end-all and be-all of sinister organizations. More women means they’ll try and change our uniforms or something. Can you think of anything more silly than a bunch of us jack-booted thugs wearing pink, salmon, or fuchsia? If that happens, even that stooge from the South Pacific Caer Rialis will get some action!”

Caer Rialis was unavailable for comment.

In unrelated NPO news, Delegate Unlimited announced that a new threat level system would be implemented. Here is new system:

Color----------Threat Level
Fuchsia-------Very High
Mauve--------High
Harvest Peach-Moderate
Goldenrod—--Low
Cobalt-------Very Low
Seafoam----NPO unquestioned overlords of Nationstates

[Kandarin]

Don't forget teal.

[Brezhnev]

NetWork Radio Reloaded

_{NWR reporter Yasmin Lane during a recent broadcast.}

NetWork Radio, fondly remembered as the objective source for Anti-NPO news, has returned to the air after disappearing in the middle of May under circumstances that government officials call "definately not-NPO related." According to the new management, the decision to restart NWR came after learning that the Pacific was launching it's own news service. "We just couldn't stand by and let them make up more facts than us".

In a press conference Monday North Pacifican and ADN Secretary of Defense, CrazyGirl told reporters the ADN will be watching for any signs of infiltration. "One of the things we'll be checking for is brilliance, a definate sign of Sir Paul." She declined to go into further detail.

[Sir Paul]

Bored ADN Breaks Peace Treaty, Invades Ireland[/b]

Alcatraz Troops Landing on the Irish Coast

Bohola, Ireland: In a move that surprised none, the ADN broke its own peace treaty with Ireland in an ill-fated attempt to take over the region. Although ADN officials denied any involvement, the planning of the invasion took place on the ADN forum, and Alcatraz is an ADN member. Pope Hope disavowed any knowledge, and insisted that the ADN does not violate its treaties and does not invade sovereign regions.


Vasquez at a press conference, denying any involvement or wrong doing

Blame is being squarely placed on Vasquez for leaving the defense secretary out of the loop, since it’s so difficult for the secretary to read his own forums. Hey, that’s plausible deniability, and good governance.

The fate of Alcatraz is yet to be seen. Either their region will be tried for breaking the treaty, or it will be covered up in an internal investigation and forgotten about. Besides, Ireland was asking for it, and deserves any invasion that comes their way.

In an unrelated event, the ADN has promised that if the NPO democratizes its government and allows exiles to return, it will stop the invasion and sign a treaty to create lasting peace in the Pacific.