Piophilia
Liege
Let's get those missiles ready to destroy the universe!
Posts: 48
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Post by Piophilia on Nov 21, 2003 0:25:04 GMT -5
NETWORK RADIO PURCHASES TRANSMITTER, MICROPHONEGimpton, NWR: After several months of fundraising, the region of NetWorkRadio was finally able to purchase the basic equipment needed to surf the radiowaves proper. "This marks an important day in our fight against the evil, bad, evil Mr. Francos Spain." states DJ and long-time humorless blight Twinkles. "It took a lot of bake sales, panhandling, and topless car-washes to finally earn the $126 needed to get our new operation up and running. ..Not that there was anything wrong with our OLD set up... but my voice was starting to get very sore." Positioned at 303 AM on the dial, NetWorkRadio (KNWR) boasts an impressive range of 38 feet. "We should be up and running any day now, so keep your dials tuned!" says NetWorkRadio founder and producer Radioworld. "Oh yeah, and you'll also need to drive over to 512 E. Blain street... the transmitter is set up there in my mom's basement." When asked wether he had a permit to run a radiostation out of a private residence, Mr. Radioworld was quoted as saying "What? Oh shit." When asked about his opinion on the matter, Frank Ketchup, head of the FCC, stated that "The FCC doesn't take kindly to un-censored pirate radio-stations transmitting without a license, but there is nothing we can do to stop them until they actually get their damn-fool jury-rigged system up and running. I don't think they realize that it takes more than a microphone and a transmitter to make a functioning radio station. Mostly, I just park a van outside Radioworld's house to freak the poor guy out a little." The first show to be aired will be a kids show called "FUX0RING BANN FAGOS SPANE!!!!111." According to Twinkles, "It will be the first ever radio-puppet show, and it's all about that stinky doo-doo jerkface Francos and how he should burn in hell." Emporer Francos was unable to be reached for comment due to the fact that he is "too busy doing REAL work."
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Sir Paul
Senator / Director of the Pacific Press
This is PNN
Posts: 617
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Post by Sir Paul on Nov 21, 2003 1:46:39 GMT -5
SAN FRANCISCO RETALIATES AGAINST BERTRAM STANTROUS An ICBM being launched at the Capitol of Bertram Stantrous Treasure Island Naval Base, California: An Intercontinental Ballistic Missile warhead was launched from the middle of San Francisco bay in retaliation for the deaths of millions of Homa-sexuals. The missile, containing a nuclear warhead, is expected to obliterate 35 million Bertram Stantrousians on impact. Already, the citizenry are practicing their rituals that they believe will protect them from utter annihilation, ripping the hearts out of people, as depicted by their national flag. The San Francisco bay area is home to 7 million people, 6.2 million of them being gay, lesbian, transgendered, bisexual, metro-sexual, asexual, or homeless (homa-less, as they prefer it). San Francisco Mayor Willie brown, who represents 775,000 sexual deviants, notes that “Although we rejoice at the death of the evil Jews, who control the world by proxy and oppress the innocent Palestinian people, who are our moral superiors because they blow up Jewish children, we mourn the loss of the millions of homa-sexuals killed during the destruction of Oklahoma. Bertram Stantrous must understand that killing homa-sexuals will only resolve us further.” In celebration, San Francisco held its 27th gay pride parade of the year. Not to be outdone, Berkeley held a transgendered pride parade, San Jose held a lesbian pride parade, Oakland held a Sodomite Sunday Super Celebration, and Gilroy held a Thanksgiving Day parade. The conservative garlic growing community was burned to the ground and its inhabitance shot for being subversive. “Thanksgiving is the celebration of the killing of millions of gay Native Americans!” said Tom Bates, Mayor of Berekeley. “The killing of these Republican bastards has sent the message that killing, especially in a time of revolution and conflict, is wrong.” California Senate Majority Leader Don Perata stated on the floor of the senate that “If Bertram Stantrous goes unpunished, Costal California could explode next, meaning those dirty Republicans would control the legislator!” Minority leader James L. Brulte noted that “If Bertram Stantrous keeps killing Homa-sexuals, then we’ll have all the power! Ha ha ha ha HA! When asked why she endorsed the retaliation, even though she opposed the war in Afghanistan after 9/11, Berkeley US Representative Barbara Lee said “This wasn’t an attack on commerce, but on homa-sexuals everywhere! These people matter, unlike those rich, Jewish New York Yuppies!” There is also a question of whether or not Bertram Stantrous is responsible for Oklahoma blowing up. When questioned on mandate, Sausalito city manager Dana Whitson commented “This is like global warming; we don’t need evidence before we act. When we liberals perceive a threat, we attack it head on with extreme prejudice.” When asked to comment on the destruction of Oklahoma, an envoy of Bertram Stantrous stated that “We swear we have nothing to do with the destruction of all those dirty, dirty homa-sexuals and well-poisoning Jews. Honest, we swear. Just because the Jews eat the flesh of Christian children doesn’t mean we’d kill the lot of them. And those homa-sexuals, we don’t care if you violate God’s law, in fact, I bet God did it. Fire your missiles at Him.” Since liberals don’t acknowledge the existence of God, the missile will stay on course. Hopefully, this horrible war will end soon, and we can all get back to an innocent time when a man could go to hymietown and have a queer waiter give him a pot of homa. (Image resized by Praetor)
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Post by Black Adder on Nov 27, 2003 12:26:09 GMT -5
Recently declassified photo of our leader Francos Spain in a heated altercation with moderation during the infamous game glitch invasion headed by Corinthe. The calm and steady demeanor of Franco with Neutered Sputniks in the backwards aggressive pose only serves to further highlight Francos implacable command.
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Post by Black Adder on Nov 30, 2003 11:53:16 GMT -5
Beware the enemy massing outside the NPO! A soldier of the PA fresh out of the Truthspeak Anti-Peace League training. With the NPO entering it's 3rd month of peace and stability our enemies jealously seek to infiltrate and overthrow our hard fought and won Francos rule. Beware of those who seek to dialogue while carrying an axe.
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Piophilia
Liege
Let's get those missiles ready to destroy the universe!
Posts: 48
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Post by Piophilia on Dec 2, 2003 1:56:13 GMT -5
THEDOC SIGHTED AT LOCAL TRUCK STOPPreviously thought to be deceased, this candid photo taken by a local truck driver depicts Thedoc cleverly disguised as a regular NPO civilian.Granny's Pitz n' Gritz, NPO: Nearly three weeks following his believed imprisonment and almost immediate death by fatal corn-holing, former delegate of the Pacific Army Thedoc was sited yesterday at a local NPO truck stop. According to one Hershey Blowmeyer, a trucker for Trans-Pacific Trucking Ltd, "I saw this funny lookin guy gassing up his 2004 Chevy S-10, and I coulda (sic) sworned (sic) that he looked familiar... then, it hit me! It was that derned (sic) Thedoc feller I dun (sic) seen on the Teevee (sic)!" Local media and law enforcement was immediately called to the truck stop, but did not arrive in time to validate Mr. Blowmeyer's claim. "Its a good thing I dun (sic) took this here picture, utherwaise (sic) nowunud (sic) b'leive (sic) me!" states Blowmeyer to the local press. "He was shore (sic) in a hurry. Yep, he was carryin’ (sic) a real heavy lookin’ (sic) suitcase and he looked to be in a real hurry to get outta (sic) there." When asked about this sighting by reporters, the clerk on duty at Granny's Pitz n' Gritz was quoted as saying "You know, I think I remember that guy. I thought nothing of it at the time, but he was asking some awfully strange questions like: ‘How do I get to Oklahoma from here?' and ' and 'Where is your bathroom? I desperately need to walk the lizard.' Guess I didn't recognize him at first on account of the pink alligator-polo shirt, the Rayban sunglasses, and stylish goatee. Theorist Mercutio Phalanx, in his recent book "Gone Went Thedoc: Thedoc's Fall From Glory" hypothesizes that "..(Thedoc) simply reached a level of superstardom back in his heyday that he just couldn't match up to later in life… especially following his humiliating defeat to the new, hot Pacific-sensation Francos Spain. Prior to his supposed demise, he mostly performed re-mixes of his old classics live in order to earn enough money with which to keep the debt collectors off his back and to feed his powerful addiction to Schmoke, a new form of chewing-marijuana. I’ve always suspected that Thedoc had faked his own death just to escape the never-ending calls from credit card companies and obsessed fans (Savage Lands), and this photo proves my hypothesis is true!” When asked of his opinion on the sighting, delegate for the Free Pacific Army Savage Lands was quoted as saying: “Shut up! Just Shut the F(expletive deleted)k up! I have three copies of every one of Thedoc’s albums and I went to every one of his concerts! Don’t tell me that you know more about Thedoc then me, 'cuz you don’t! You just DON’T! I HATE you! *sob*.” ~Associated Press
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Francos Spain
Our Blessed and Chosen Leader of the Pacific
Posts: 496
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Post by Francos Spain on Dec 3, 2003 21:58:51 GMT -5
POSKREBYSHEV DEFEATS MAGUNGAS IN CHESS GAMEMagungas (right) gazing aimlessly after a crushing defeat by the victorious Poskrebyshev (left).After much heated discussion and anticipation, the long-planned chess game between NPO Senator Poskrebyshev and annoying, oafish, spammer Magungas took place earlier today with a decisive victory for the Pacific Senator. Unfortunately, not much of a fight was put up by the straw hat wearing hillbilly, for he lost the game on only the fourth move. The writing was on the wall since turn two though, after Poskrebyshev released a devastating [Nxg4], crippling Magungas' defense. After the move was made, an upset Magungas loudly exclaimed, " Duh, which way does da horsie go?" After the game, the two players honorably shook hands and departed the table for their seperate destinations, except Magungas, who fell out of his chair and injured himself quite badly.
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Post by BertramStantrous on Dec 7, 2003 3:01:53 GMT -5
KANDARIN CONTINUES HIS DOMINANCE OVER THE REJECTED REALMSKandarin (above), greeting new nations outside the Rejected Realms, with a sandwich in his armpit.Rejected Realms, NationStates: Kandarin, the lovable hobo, continues to display his visible dominance over the Rejected Realms, a region where nations are automatically sent after they're banned. "Tha way I see's it," said Kandarin, pulling a bottle of "Old Johnson's Fine Whiskey" out of his frightfully soiled underpants, "tha people in tha Reje... <hic> Rejecte... <hic> Rejected Realms deserve a shwell leader, an' I think I's can do that to tha highest degree possible, I thinks." Kandarin was seen just outside the Rejected Realms, welcoming in new nations from around NationStates. "Sure, some peoples doesn't want nations wit' names like 'Pimpshit Cock' and 'Gay Fag Supreme,' but hey, I can'ts discriminates. I gots too much urine... er, work on my hands as it is." Kandarin then took another swig of his whiskey, and then passed out in a pool of his own filth. When asked to comment about Kandarin's illustrious rule, Francos Spain asked "Is that really a sandwich in his armpit?"
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Francos Spain
Our Blessed and Chosen Leader of the Pacific
Posts: 496
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Post by Francos Spain on Dec 15, 2003 1:25:33 GMT -5
CORINTHE THROWS TANTRUM, GETS FORUM BANNEDNationStates Moderator Scolopendra (right) escorting Corinthe (left, wearing a muzzle and on a leash) out of the NS forum.Moderation Forum, NationStates: NationStates' crankiest toddler is at it again! After a night of pouting, spamming, and crying (but mostly spamming), NationStates Moderator Scolopendra, with the assistance of Reploid Productions, issued Corinthe an IP ban from the NS forum late last night. "Corinthe's behavior had been getting worse and worse, and it just had to come to this," stated Scolopendra after the IP banning. "I mean, we'd disciplined her as best we could: sending her to bed early, not giving her dessert after dinner, sitting her in 'time-out,' but none of those seemed to convince her to behave." Making quite a scene, Corinthe's last comment before being muzzled and led out of the forum was, "Bah wa waaaah!" Whether this is Dutch for "I'm an annoying jackass," or if it was just baby talk is yet to be determined. ---------- Relevant link
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Sir Paul
Senator / Director of the Pacific Press
This is PNN
Posts: 617
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Post by Sir Paul on Dec 16, 2003 5:32:54 GMT -5
Neutered Sputniks Sets Precedent on GriefingNeutered Sputniks submits his ruling on HideOut/Corinthe (left) v. Fisz (right) with several moderators in attendanceMonte Carlo, NationStates: In a shocking ruling that will affect natives everywhere, Senior Game Moderator Neutered Sputniks ruled that while a native may not be outright banned from a region, their repeated ejection is perfectly legal. “The precedent I'm attempting to set is that natives can't grief the invaders.” This incident occurred when the Atlantic Alliance launched a successful invasion of the region of Monte Carlo. The new delegate, Fisz, promptly ejected a Corinthe puppet, HideOut. Corinthe is known to have several connections with anti-invasion and revolutionary groups, and her ejection was ruled as a valid tactical ejection. Neutered Sputniks quipped, “to be honest, if I invaded a region, I would be sure to tactically eject any nation of yours - take it as a compliment. .” The question revolves around the ruling that natives may not remain banned. While natives of a region have the right to return to their homeland, it is also a violation of the rules to spam the regional happenings and message boards. By continually moving to Monte Carlo only to be ejected, Hideout/Corinthe had violated those rules. She was also known to talk in Dutch with counter-revolutionary Crazy Girl. While some libertarians were appalled by the ruling, many acknowledge that Hideout/Corinthe placed herself in the position to be humiliated instead of launching a counter-invasion or simply waiting a few hours between moving back to Monte Carlo. Corinthe then preceded to flam Fisz, Neutered Sputniks, and the very foundations of the game. Many have speculated that she was not deleted because although she is juvenile and Dutch, she does have over 1400 posts, making her an integral part of Nationstates, even if that part is town jackass. Despite the ruling in Fisz’s favor, he did not enjoy it for long. He was executed for crimes against nationstates shortly after the trial. As he was being hauled away by unknown agents of Maxx Berry, his last utterance was “You’ll pay for this Corinthe!” It appears that a power struggle is occurring behind the dark curtain of the Moderators. While all parties expected Corinthe to be deleted, even Corinthe herself (“You better delete me now, because I will not stop!”), it is Corinthe who remains alive and Fisz who is dead. An investigation was announced into the issue by the NPO high court, who promises to find out if Corinthe indeed has friends in high places. An NPO spokesman states that “A blue ribbon commission has been formed to discover if the moderators are divided into Pro-Corinthe and Anti-Corinthe factions. Current leads indicate that [violet] may be Pro-Corinthe, but these charges are preliminary and unsubstantiated.” Corinthe stated in the courtroom that she’d “send an e-mail to [violet], that you are helping invaders to keep natives out of the region.” Fortunately, she does not know how to work e-mail and was unable to send the message. Whether or not [violet] is keeping Corinthe alive is besides the issue, judicial activism has occurred, and the people of Nationstates now have new rules of which they must abide.
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Post by Brezhnev on Dec 16, 2003 15:34:46 GMT -5
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Sir Paul
Senator / Director of the Pacific Press
This is PNN
Posts: 617
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Post by Sir Paul on Jan 4, 2004 4:27:55 GMT -5
NEW LAWS IMPACT PACIFICANS PNN, The Pacific: The passing of a new year brings new laws to various nations in the Pacific. The theme this year has been compassion as almost every nation has expanded their social programs and love of mother earth. The Immortal Armed Republic of InfernoIce now provides mothers who are unable to pay for their delivery a helping hand. The “Sponsorship of Children Act” now allow multinational conglomerates to tattoo advertisements to the children in exchange for the fee of delivering them. This public-private sponsorship shows how unfretted capitalism makes government work! www.imgspot.com/uploads/Baby_with_logos.jpg[/img] The first new years baby born in InfernoIce Francos Spain delighted environmentalist when, in the government’s new beach revitalization program, announced that the coast was off-limits to all humans. Noted environmentalist Yolanda Alaniz “This move has showed the world what Iron Fist Socialist can do to raise the standard of living of Gaia. The Osprey thank you, sweet Francos!” When it was discovered that Ms. Alaniz truly believes that she can communicate with animals, she was taken to FSU’s psychiatric ward where she will be executed and have her organs harvested. www.oceansonline.com/images/hbwarning.JPG[/img]All persons entering the Delicate Marine Zone (DMZ) are shot on site with lead-free “green” bullets In Poskrebyshev, human rights activists around the world cheered when it was announced that political activists would no longer be tortured to death with meat-hooks, electricity to the genitals, and room 101. Instead, they will be guillotined. Rockstar and Amnesty International Spokesperson Bono of U2 praised the dictator on his decision. “This is the first step in the long road to making all nations a more tolerable place to die.” Bono went to Poskrebyshev to personally thank the dictator, but since he is a political activist, he was executed after he stepped off the plane. www.ccdesigns.com/images/bono.jpg[/img] Bono being martyred for being a political activist. Adhering to their national motto “Ignorance is Strength,” The Gun-wielding militarist of Bertram Stantrous has decided to cut all funding to public schools. The saved money will then be given to corporations who will educate the populace with the information and values that are revered in this nation. “The private sector is more efficient than the public sector any day of the week!” Remarks CEO of Halliburton John Gibson. “Corporations have the moral guidance not found in government. If you wish to see what I’m talking about, buy my new book, The Ethics Handbook, now in paperback.” www2.arts.gla.ac.uk/CAS/images/sem5/school.jpg[/img] Public School 243, now under renovation by its new owners, Bed, Bath, and BrothelIn the aftermath of the election scandal of 2003, Mammothistan’s population recently voted to decide when a vote begins. The question of when a chad becomes a vote has been a touchy issue in a nation where the right to vote is held above all else, but the issue is finally settled. Election commissioner Katherine Harris explained the new system. “Dimpled chads are considered a vote, but pregnant chads are not. If a chad is connected by a minimum of three corners and is not dimpled, then a vote has not taken place.” www.imgspot.com/uploads/bush_chad.jpg[/img] A Mammonthistan election official determining when a chad becomes a vote. The Colony of Unlimited has decided to help the environment this year by controlling the amount and type of open burning in the country. “Since ‘flag burning is a way of life,’ the air quality in the nation becomes severely impacted by the amount of ash and chemicals produced by these activities” states noted air advocate Zach Corrigan. “The American and British flags have more colored dye than other flags, which makes them more harmful to the air. We are asking our citizenry to only burn flags with at least 50% bleached white material.” While limiting the type of flag that can be burned, many Unlimitedians announced that they have no problem staying within the guidelines. One excited pyromaniac stated that “The Great Satan has many States and Allies whose flags we are allowed to burn. I’ve always hated those Rhode Island bastards, and now I have an excuse to show it.” image.pathfinder.com/time/europe/timetrails/lebanon/lebanon.jpg[/img] Anti-Semites burning an Israeli flag, well within the 50% white boundary.In all, this has been a banner year for the citizenry of the Pacific, who now enjoy new protections from themselves.
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Francos Spain
Our Blessed and Chosen Leader of the Pacific
Posts: 496
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Post by Francos Spain on Jan 4, 2004 6:00:22 GMT -5
I know I'm defying the rule specified in the original post of this thread, but man... Those are bloody marvelous! May have hurt Unlimited's feelings by leaving him out though
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Unlimited
Senator / Pacific Surveyor of Foreign Threat
Vanguard of the Pacific Revolution
Posts: 694
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Post by Unlimited on Jan 4, 2004 22:31:55 GMT -5
sniff sniff....
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Sir Paul
Senator / Director of the Pacific Press
This is PNN
Posts: 617
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Post by Sir Paul on Jan 5, 2004 15:15:18 GMT -5
Oh shucks, I thought I already had you, my bad, give me a minute to alter the post and put you in Unlimited. Thanks for the compliment Francos.
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Post by Brezhnev on Jan 5, 2004 18:00:48 GMT -5
Hey look! You can see Saddam right behind the burning flag!
I like the picture of martyr-Bono, BTW.
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